Now that my baby girl is three (almost four!) months old, I’m learning to read her signs better every day. I know what makes her laugh (the stinky feet game and chug-a-chug-a-choo), what makes her smile (her sister, spitting up, hearing how much we love her), and what makes her close her eyes in bliss (kissing her softly on the cheek, rubbing the side of her head).
And, like with all babies, I’ve learned what makes her cry.
It’s not actually a long list; she’s a good-natured, laid-back baby. But when she’s hungry? WATCH OUT.
She can go from conked out and snoring to red-faced and screaming in about 2.4 seconds. She can be happy as a clam one moment and hangry (you know…hungry+angry?) the next. And while she obviously can’t speak any actual words yet, I am pretty sure I hear her loud and clear in those instances.
Mommy! MOMMY! MOMMYYYYyyyyyyyy!
I need food! Now! I NEED FOOD NOW!
{Food! GET IN MY BELLY!}
Why don’t you feed me? Why don’t you LOVE me?
I’m never going to eat AGAIN!!!
Food! I need it! I’m going to perish right before your eyes!
Gahhhhbaaaahhhhmeahhhhh! Foooooood!
This is it. The end is near. WHY WON’T YOU…
wait.
Um.
Is that a…
Mmmm…bottle.
Thank you, sweet Mommy. I’ll never doubt you again.
{Until the next time…}
Every time. She cries and carries on, while I say - in as soothing a voice as I can, making sure I sound amused and not annoyed - “I’m coming, Baby Girl. It’s okay. Just hang on. I’m coming. It’ll be all right. Don’t cry. No, no, don’t cry. I’m coming.”
You know, when I imagined becoming a mom, I had all sorts of plans and dreams and ideas. And, well, assumptions. For instance, I assumed I’d teach my children all sorts of things:
How to talk, to walk, to read, to write
How to play the piano and play basketball
How to share and care and take turns
When I found out I was having our first daughter, I assumed I’d teach her all the things my mom tried to teach me (manners, how to sew, how to paint my nails like a pro) and the things she didn’t (how to control - I mean, fix - my hair, how to cook without a recipe, how to dance).
What I never once assumed was that my girls - the ones I brought into this world, thankyouverymuch - would teach me as much, if not more, as I would teach them.
That hollering baby who’s so impatient for her bottle, desperately afraid that THIS IS THE TIME I’ll let her down? She’s just like me.
Her ears may come from my mom and grandad; her mouth may look just like my husband’s. But her lack of faith? Oh, she’s the spitting image of me when that happens.
When I lose my job…
When I can’t do my job right…
When the hospital bills are too high…
When the hospital stay is too long - or too short…
When my friends don’t return my calls…
When my calendar gets too full and overwhelms…
When sleep won’t come…
When laundry piles up…
When friends move away…
When family hurts instead of helps…
SO OFTEN when I need to relax and lean into God, trusting that He will provide…I panic. I scream and holler and beg for attention, for provision, for solution NOW! I cry that I need it now! Why won’t you help me NOW?! Why don’t you love me?
And I imagine God saying, in a soothing (and hopefully more amused than annoyed) voice, “I’m coming, Baby Girl. It’s okay. Just hang on. I’m coming. It’ll be all right. Don’t cry. No, no, don’t cry. I’m coming.”
Both my girls teach me so much. They teach me about myself. They teach me about life. They teach me about God and the faith I want to have.
Meanwhile, I’m still hoping to figure out that straightening iron in my bathroom cabinet so I can pass on at least one valuable “life skill” to them.
5 Comments
I really think God told us to be fruitful and multiply so we could understand just a little of how He sees us. So many times I say things to my kids like, “How many times do I have to tell you …?” or “can you even hear my words?” and think, huh. I bet this is how God feels with me a lot of the time.
Great read today, Mary. When I feel stuck but overwhelmed with the notion of change, and in desperate need for help … I wonder if He’s there. Is He helping me? How far is He going to let me get before He saves me? In that question there’s hope that He’s there and it’s all His plan. But, there’s also fear that you’re on your own. That questioning of faith, I think, keeps us closer to God. Because we want and need to believe.
So, very, very true Mary. I commented on your site for the first half of this story that made me laugh so much.
The rest of the story had me tearing up because it is SO TRUE! My girls have taught me so much more about life than I taught them. And believe me, it doesn’t stop at 18! They are 28 and 23 now and still teaching me a lot each day. It makes me so happy to have that since my own Mom and I have never really connected to well. I was Daddy’s girl. =)
But more than that, they do teach me more about being a parent and how God must feel about us as His children and I think about that often and feel loved (also guilty, convicted, amused, etc) but most often loved.
Thanks for your post. And don’t worry, those girls will watch you and learn far more than you can ever “teach” them anyway.
Best,
Lina
I don’t have girls, but I’ve learned the same thing from my boys! Great post!
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