Do You Have a Girl You Love Like Me? My girl and your girl have something in common. It is something I have seen is every girl, no matter our age, our social status or how much money we have in our purses.
The longing.
That desire to be wanted and pursued.
Adored and approved.
As my little girl walks out the door in the morning, one day closer toward graduation this spring, I sense my heart relaxing. I’m not peaceful because she’s my last child at home; we’re almost done! (Quite the opposite; I adore this girl!) I don’t sigh relief because she is perfect; for she is not. I’m not at rest in my heart because she never struggles with self-doubt or temptation.
No, I allow my heart to lean on the hope that the truth she has had poured into her, that she is wanted and valued, will carry her.
I trust that knowing Jesus already accepts her will empower her as she heads to college next fall. When the desire for that boy’s attention wells up in her heart, that she will recognize it for what it is. It is a natural desire, given by God, but it is a desire that must first be filled with the attention she receives from God.
The attention she already has. All of it. He’s been watching her, loving on her since the day she was born and He will continue to dote over her all the days of her life.
And I believe with this truth, she will able to enjoy the attention of a boy without needing the attention of the boy. And she will be able to keep her focus on Jesus, reaching her fullest potential in His love, rather than fixating on finding that boy’s love.
It is with this desire, I encourage my girls to invest their time, energy and emotions becoming the girl Jesus’ created them to be. Allowing Him, to create in them, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, to become the girl He wants them to become.
My prayer is, if it is God’s will, they will become magnetic to a guy doing the same.
Lynn Cowell’s new book “Magnetic: Becoming the Girl He Wants,“ helps girls (and their moms who walk alongside) discover how they become the best version of the beautiful girl God created her to be.
Below you’ll find an excerpt from Chapter One. Maybe this is the tool your girl needs? Today I’m giving away 2 copies! ( Giveaway details below excerpt!)
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“Why doesn’t he like me? I just couldn’t figure it out.
What is it about me that isn’t as attractive as her? Am I not as pretty? Am I too loud? Are my friends not cool enough? The questions gnawed at me, eating away at my confidence. He had liked me once,; surely I could get him to like me again. There had to be a way.
I was determined to find out what was wrong with me.
Back in my own “wish I were dating” days, my highs and lows depended on whether or not I sawhim in the hall; my happiness was determined by whether or not he noticed me. The crush I had was crushing me.
I wish there had been someone who could have helped me…someone who could have helped me understand that the longing in my heart pointed not to my need for a guy, but to my deeper need for something, Someone, even greater.
How I wish I had known sooner that I was created to be loved perfectly and unconditionally, made to have my heart filled each and every day with love from the perfect Man – Jesus.
Then I could have spent my time, energy, and emotions, not on a guy I didn’t have, but on the One I did. I could have moved from obsessing over why I wasn’t wanted to becoming the type of girl a godly guy would want. Not just someone to date but someone he’d want to spend the rest of his life with.
I remember making the list, a gargantuan description of everything I was looking for in the guy I would marry one day. The more powerful list would have described the woman I wanted to become, the woman he couldn’t resist!
What would happen if you made the switch now? Shifted your focus off a guy and onto the Guy?
What if, together, we discovered an irresistible beauty deeper than designer clothes, jean sizes, and flaw-free skin? A confidence so attractive, nothing could cause us to lose it? A glamour simply magnetic?
In my quest to discover true beauty, I began to see gorgeous as much more than the face in my mirror. Gorgeous is not skin-deep but heart-deep, a beauty that develops as my heart discovers and returns True Love.
This beauty, this attractiveness, is found in the girl who has what I call “captivating characteristics”—what the Bible calls “the fruit of the Spirit.” These heart traits are described in Galatians 5:22–23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
These magnetic traits are the result, or fruit, of the girl who has given her entire life to Jesus. The girl who spends her emotional energy allowing Him to live His life through her.
But, you don’t have to burn yourself out trying to become perfect. These gorgeous qualities will show up as you spend time with God and He pours His perspective into you!
When you’re “planted” in God, He provides all you need to reach your full potential—to be the best you you can be!
And, instead of chasing after the guy running from you, you’re pursuing the One coming after you. In the process of seeking His heart, you’ll become the amazing individual He designed you to be, a girl who is irresistibly magnetic, beautiful inside and out.”
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ENTER TO WIN:
Packed with honesty, encouragement and perspective-changing truth Mag
If you have a girl or love a girl you know,
ENTER TO WIN a copy of “Magnetic: Becoming the Girl He Wants,“ by sharing some wisdom you’d wish you’d had as a teenager – or the best mentoring advice you were given – about looking for a guy and/or becoming the girl God created you to be.
47 Comments
The importance if being yourself, even if it’s different than others in high school. You will be happier being yourself than trying to fit in.
I’m still not sure I have reached the status of being the girl/woman God wants me to be… this is a work-in-progress kinda thing! But I do wish my own mother had made more of a point in telling me that a man, or anything else, could define me. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home, so referring to a relationship with Jesus Christ never would have come up! However, just needing to hear the words, “you are always good enough” would have been great.
could = couldn’t
Shannon, isn’t it great we have the opportunity to give our girls what we didn’t get?
I didn’t get a lot of good advice from my parents and spent a number of years searching and trying to fit in. It wasn’t until I was an adult that my father and I mended our relationship and he once told me, “There are givers and takers in the world. You are a giver. Look for other givers and you will be happier.” He didn’t mean to look for what people could give to me but like-minded people and it helped me set boundaries when I felt trapped in a friendship or relationship.
What a beautiful thing your father said to you, Sarah! Something to treasure!
I was raised in a Christian home and the fear of God was drummed into me daily. But I wasn’t taught to love God as He loved me; to seek to know him on a personal level. I was never told that the emptiness in my heart, which I so desperately tried to fill with other things (boys, popularity, beauty, fashion), could only be filled by Jesus. He who would never leave me or stop loving me. These are the truths that I want to share with my daughter.
Best advice I received was before my sophomore year when I heard about Christ and that I was loved so much that He died for me.
So glad Jesus sent others into our lives to share His love with us!
Best advice I was given (and it may sound trite or overused) - Treat others as you want to be treated. Doing this attracted the right kind of attention instead of the wrong kind.
Kindness…no wonder it is a fruit of the Spirit!
My teenager asked just yesterday (since we were talking about boys) with tears welled up in her eyes if she was the kind of girl that boys could like or find attractive. She has a hard time believing this since I am her mom and of course I would say she is beautiful and amazing. She is struggling to find her beauty.
I also shared with her how my grandmother shared with me that I should never settle for just any guy that payed attention to me but instead to wait for someone that really valued me for who I was because I was worth it. Those words never left me and I was never one to have a lot of boyfriends. I was ok not having a boyfriend, because I didn’t just want to settle for any guy.
Karen, this is so beautiful! Wisdom being passed from generation to generation!
My Daddy reminded me often that I was “Chosen by God and precious…”
I would love to have this book for our daughter…also graduating high school next May!
Missy, what a blessed girl you were to have a Daddy pouring such truth into your heart!
As a teenager my parents did not give me wonderful advice about self and reliance on God. They were good parents and did their best, but I wish I had a better relationship with God and knew how much He loved me and that my worth was in Him. I would love this book for my daughter, as I fear I have not taught that to her as well as I could. Thank you for the giveaway.
I never really got great advice on this. My mom encouraged me to seek the approval of boys, which led to a lot of heartache. I eventually found my way to satisfaction in God’s eyes, but it was a rocky road. Now with two daughters of my own, I’m hoping to show them the better way from the start.
the best advice I was given was to look for a guy who loved Jesus more than anything… Because only that kind of guy would understand how much Jesus meant to me.
My biggest desire when I was a young girl at the brink of turning into a young woman was simply the confirmation that I was valuable. Not just valuable to my parents, to my sister to my family ~ but valuable to God. I have a 9 year old girl who is dealing with a lot right now, she is beginning puberty and also has hearing loss which is declining. We have had a rough few months trying to figure out this new path and all that it comes with. She feels isolated as she is the only hard of hearing person in our family. I see her yearning to feel valued and know her value in this world. Through that trying to understand God’s plan for her as she navigates new challenges and new equipment just to be able to hear her family in the midst of daily “noise” of living at home and at school. Oh how I desire to give her what her heart needs and turn her to God for all the more He has for her!
I wish I had known how true it was that my God loved me for who I was, regardless of how I saw myself or thought others saw me. I wish I had someone show me the “personal side” of my loving God, just the powerful and all-knowing side. I am raising a beautiful daughter that I pray will save herself for the man God has for her. I know she will do great things. I pray that she can do them without having to experience what the world has to offer and the guilt that often comes with that.
I wish I would have had a godly female mentor to help me in my Christian walk… I made very poor decisions with boys teen through early 20s and I have to live with those regrets now. I would have benefitted from a wise woman investing her time and wisdom in me. My parents were in the middle of a divorce and I was left to do whatever I wanted just about.
Unfortunately I was raised believing it was all about the look, your weight, you clothes - that the outside was the most important. I pray that we have taught our daughter, who graduates this spring, that it is what is inside that counts and that seeking God first is the most important thing in her life. So far she has shown this to be true!
I was so “boy crazy” as a teenager, and really took it to heart when I wasn’t liked in return! It took me many years to understand that God wasn’t giving me the things I thought I wanted because of His great love for me. I see the same energy in my 13 year old daughter as she responds to the affections of boys around her, and am trying to encourage her to look to God - only then can He have her attention to show her who He has for her in His time. And only then can she be truly satisfied in the knowledge that no matter what affections come her way or don’t come her way, she has great value to the Lord!
Probably the best advice I received was to not be in a hurry to meet the right guy because God has his own timing. I met my husband when I was 24 and he was 30. If we had been much younger when we met, the age gap probably would have meant that we wouldn’t have even considering a relationship.
And you were wise to listen to the good advice, Lisa! Lord, empower our girls to not just hear wise advice, but to follow it!
I was not a Christian and would have loved a Christian woman to come to me and tell me I could find my worth in Jesus not some boy. As a single mom I think that now is so important to me and I tell my daughter that many times over!!
Lose yourself in your relationship with God . Then any boy hoping to catch your attention will need to seek Him to find you.
I would tell myself, “You are GOOD ENOUGH!” Stop worrying so much about what others think and do what you know is right and be who you are. I try to pass this on to my own 13 year old daughter.
I wish a mentor would have helped me to realize (way more than I did) that I wasn’t above temptations and shown me more practical ways for how a God-honoring relationship should work.
I see it all over FB & Pinterest the meme that says “High School is for finding your bridesmaids not your husband.” I wasted too much time on boys than fortifying lasting friendships.
I also wish I’d had a Christian mentor during HS. My mother had already removed me from the church & the two ladies who asked were sent away.
If there was one specific piece of wisdom that I wish I had learned decades ago, it is that glory is my enemy. There is something that a “girl” learns from her enemy at a very early age: If you get their attention, you can get their heart (or money, or power, etc.) We so quickly forget that we weren’t meant to be glorified that we sell it all- our identity, our bodies, our souls- just so someone will notice us. If a young lady could ever get it in her heart that she is made to GIVE glory (to God) and not get it for herself, the Lordship question would be settled in her heart and her life would be free of the entanglements and strongholds of her peers. Lord, help us to be free to give you glory and give up our own!
I wish I had had this advice as a teenager. I was raised in a Christian home, but we never talked about a relationship with Jesus. I had never even heard of being able to have a relationship until I was in college, and went to a friends’ church.
I’m determined to make things different for our daughters, and am blessed to have this opportunity! We’re introducing the courtship model of dating, and encouraging them to talk to us about anything and everything!
I heard some great advice from our pastor a few months ago. “Train your girls to run as fast as they can toward Jesus. If they see a man out of the corner of their eye consistently running that same path, that may be the one (Jesus has created for them).”
Thank you for this post, and for sharing part of your book!
Love the truth of running hard after Jesus and if someone else keeps up with you, take notice.
I have a fond memory of getting a note in the mail from my mom when I was away at college. She was referring to dating and finding a great guy. It simply said,
“Be patient, and it will pay off.” I think this is very simple and sound advice even now.
I wish I had been encouraged to be independent for my own fulfillment and not so I “wouldn’t need a man to take care of me.” I had a fiercely independent, divorced mother raising two kids without a relationship with God. Even once I met the man God has for me her advice still amounted to keeping myself apart/independent enough that I could walk away and support myself. 12 years into my happy, Christ-centered marriage and HER heart is changing!
You don’t fall in love you fall in like and you choose to love.
I would LOVE to win a copy of this book as my soon to be 13 oldest daughter has just this week expressed how she longs to knowGod better and to live a life that reflects Him. This sounds like a perfect book to study together.
My mother never discussed anything with us about boys and self worth. I made some terrible mistakes with boys/men and I don’t want my daughter to do the same. I could really use this book. I’m still trying to figure things out for myself. It would be a great help for me to talk to my daughter about being beautiful inside and out.
I want my girls to know that nothing will fulfill them more than a right relationship with Christ. And that it doesn’t just happen without spending time in His Word and in prayer and with intentional effort towards knowing Him. They won’t regret days of singleness, pursuing Him wholeheartedly.
Discover who you are and who you are in God.
I want every girl to know that the Lord designed them like a precious, one-of-a-kind flower and that He never tires of admiring their beauty. The Lord taught me how beloved I am to him as a young adult but I so often felt like I was invisible as a teen. Knowing that I am beautiful without having to do anything to be beautiful is a thought that helps me honor the Lord with my body and deeds.
Technically, i’m still a teenager (19, but soon to be 20 in less than a month), and while I don’t have any children of my own yet, I’d love to win this for my aunt and my cousin.
My advice would be this: Don’t worry about him. I know you like him, but when you find God’s match for you, chances are you’ll never think of that crush you had when you were younger. Instead, focus on yourself. Follow God with your whole heart. I know you’ve heard that a bunch of times, but the closer you are to God, the more the right man will have to be as close to find you. Also, use these years to prepare for someday. Cooking, cleaning, etc.
Don’t compare yourself to others. I still do that even today! I know that my true identity and reality is in God.
I wished someone had told me that I could have a great friendship with other girls rather than telling me no girl could be trusted. I am over that now, but it did such a disservice to me when I was a teenager.
To put God first, and if your family doesn’t, find someone who will invest in you that way. Don’t worry about the crowd but stand for what you know is right. Believe you are loved and beautiful and enough just as you are. Stop trying to be perfect. And hold out for a true gentleman. Just because someone isn’t a wild character doesn’t mean he’s safe and has your best at heart.
I wished that my Mum would have wrapped me around the concept of family and that our Heavenly Father, no matter what time of day, had my back. No matter what I did, He would be there. he is family. No matter how desperately I needed to be loved by a guy b/c she ripped me away from my Dad, He was there; I just needed to look and seek Him out.
To be able to gift my daughter with the knowledge that being the best “her” she can be is the way to find true friends and that she is “enough” without having to seek male attention is my goal. I need all the help I can grt!
I wish someone had told me ~ Do NOT follow your heart. I heard that piece of wisdom at a youth convention this past spring that I attended with my daughters. The heart is deceitful above all things. It will lead us down paths we do not want to go. We are to follow after God and His heart, not our own. I think this is so wise and am truly thankful my daughters heard that.