“I wuv you mama, you my BEST fwend,” she mumbles from the sacred dark.
She has one tiny palm pressed against each of my cheeks and she smells of baby lotion and her dad’s Doritos. The night light shoots stars and the moon into orbit around about her and I’m star struck to be her mother.
The girl who never wanted a daughter. The girl comfortable in her world of sons and boys and not a scrap of pink in her wardrobe.
This tiny, wisp of a daughter of mine, she has soothed my scars and kissed me better from the inside.
She is a unique.
And while she sleeps I click through all the ways the world wants to tell her she’s anything but.
In 2013, the media taught loud and hard and brash that she’s a product- marketable and disposable.
The beauty industry told her from its glossy pages and store front ads that in the eye of the beholder her appearance must fit into a teeny tiny little size zero box with its edges tightly, perfectly manicured shut.
That women are literally shrinking before our very eyes.
How does a mom strap that Hello Kitty backpack onto her only daughter’s tiny frame and send her out the door, down the three front steps and into the world when there are so many wolves abroad?
Maybe that mom models brave, instead of fashion. Maybe she dresses her daughter in words that wrap her around with confidence and courage and bellows into the wild dark - “You shall not pass!”
Maybe she is a lighthouse, a last harbor against the storm of Internet and Facebook, fashion magazines and middle school.
(Click here to see the trailer we’re talking about).
Maybe that mom writes love letters with every ordinary moment between the helpings of macaroni and cheese that say in so many unsaid words:
Daughter you are more than the sum of your limbs and hair and eye color; you are a living, breathing galaxy of wonder. I am awe struck by your eyes.
You are wildly loved and crazy brave especially on the days you choose to live out loud even when you are terrified.
You are sneakers and high heels, you are mud and princesses, you are not playing dress up when you model grace and forgiveness.
And you are not alone. Your sisters Madeleine, Malala, Sarah, your big sisters Nadine, Maud, Ann, Antjie, Christa and Stefanie, my mother and your soul sister, Jo - they’re just up ahead.
Follow in their footsteps daughter.
Sing your own song. Make your own art. Make it messy.
We won’t be afraid of the chaos of a girl growing into all her divine, God-given potential. We won’t box it in or try to keep the world out. We will fling open the windows and dance in the rain storms.
Grow, daughter, grow.
Throw back your hair and don’t worry about your legs being too skinny or to thick.
Worry about them being strong so they can carry you across borders and boundaries; over divides and barriers into the lives of the beautifully different people that will always reflect the corners of your soul you most need to get to know.
Run daughter, laugh. Lift up your eyes and remember the sky is always brighter than the shadows would have you believe.
Sink your teeth into new ideas. Reach your roots down into the soil of this family and revel in the boring ordinary of the familiar. It will give you the guts to venture into the strange and awkward.
You are more than the sum of your closet and less than the inflated importance of the award shows.
You are going to fall. Lay down your embarrassment, right here, beside me. I will treat it with care and kiss your bruised parts and send you back out tomorrow. And tomorrow. And the day after.
Keep going back out into the fray daughter so you can learn for yourself what you’re made of. No sugar and spice, no over worrying about what’s supposed to be nice and correct and acceptable. But test the truth by how it ends up treating your neighbor.
Speak up daughter. Test your voice. Use it for the left out, the lonely, the unchosen. But don’t forget to love the popular in all their desperately insecure unhappiness. Let your lunch table be a welcome place. Your freedom a great gulp of hope to the girls who try to fit into the skin of models who don’t exist outside the pages of the glossies.
Remember that meanness is a symptom and not a condition.
And that love is the gift that can’t be outgiven.
Fight me, disagree, storm out but don’t ever stop knocking your way back in. My heart is your home and you can’t outrun your DNA. I am the start of your story and you can’t write me out of the ending even if you spend years trying.
I will always come for you.
When you don’t know where you’re going. When you’re the most sure of yourself you’ve ever been. When you’re holding onto faith with just your fingernails.
Daughter, I will come. And I will always say the words that need saying even if they terrify us both. Even when we’ve both gotten it wrong.
I will not stop telling you what I wished I’d said yesterday.
I pray tomorrow you’ll still believe me.
Written by Lisa-Jo Baker, author of the newly released Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected about Being a Mom
This is my love letter to all the tired mamas trying to do the same and all the young daughters wondering where they will end up.
We’re in this together. Every step of the way.
*********************Giveaway is now closed! Thank you!
GIVEAWAY: 5 COPIES OF MY BOOK AND 5 TEA SETS: I am thrilled to be giving away five copies of my new book today — Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom. AND five sets of Daily Grace Teacups and Teapots.
To be entered to win simply leave a comment sharing one thing about motherhood or about your own mom that has surprised you.
To read the first 3 chapters of the book for free, click here.
To purchase a copy for you, a friend, your daughter, your mom, the ladies in your MOPS group, just click here.
Lisa-Jo Baker is the author of Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom, the social media manager for DaySpring, and the Community Manager of the company’s website, incourage.me, an online home for millions of women the world over. She shares her every day life lived in between kids and chaos at LisaJoBaker.com, is a contributor to HuffPost Parents, and her writings on motherhood are syndicated from New Zealand to New York. Born and raised in South Africa, Lisa-Jo currently lives outside Washington, DC with her husband and their three very loud kids. She’s on Twitter @lisajobaker.
45 Comments
I have been surprised at the deep well of love we as moms are given. Even after the most horrible, stressful of days, we wake up the next morning ready to do it all again. God’s love for me has become so much more real since I became a mommy!
I was surprised by how completely it changed the depths of my ability to feel. I’m more cerebral and detached than I am touchy-feely, but since my daughter was born 7 months ago, I find emotions welling up inside me that are hard to explain. I look at my baby girl’s face and feel like my heart is going to explode with joy. I think of all the hardship and heartache she will face in her life, and my heart breaks. I cried over your letter to your daughter, Lisa Jo. Thank you for expressing what I’ve been feeling but unable to verbalize. So excited to get a copy of your book!!!
Pure Love at first sight!!
I’ve been surprised how hard and tiring motherhood is, but also how fierce and deep my love is for my kids. It also gives a whole new meaning to how God sees me and how much my parents love me.
There have been so many things that have surprised me about motherhood. There are moments that my heart is overflowing with love and joy and moments of being so proud of my daughter. I think one thing that has surprised me is how much laughter can change a mood…a smile and laughing can turn any bad day into a good one. There is always a silver lining on a bad day!
I’m an only child, and was a ‘daddy’s girl’, and my mom and I were never close, that is, not until my dad died.
She’s now 84, and I’ve spent more and more time with her over these past 8 years. The time is precious, and I’m learning things about her, her family, my dad, their years together, that is absolutely priceless. Almost two years ago, my daughter and her family moved to the same town as my mom, and now SHE’S getting to spend that kind of time with her grandmum, and begin to glean some of the precious wisdom, humor, and life stories that are irreplaceable. My daughter has three little girls, so it’s my prayer that my mom will live long enough to impart some of her wonderful life nuggets to them. It’s a richness for my daughter to have the resource of two older generations of mothers. I would love to give your book to her.
I am a mom of 2 daughters and a son. I have finaly learned the ever teaching lesson that everyday and all night for that matter I have to let it go before I can move forward. Let go of how I will possibly tackle the situation at hand and what the results will be. I have learned and will keep learning daily that no matter how hard I try or what I do to “try” it does matter. I have to first let it go!!!! One scripture I keep seeing and it has helped me tremendously is. Exodus 14:14. The lord will fight for u, u need only to be silent. I remind myself constantly to let go and take it step at a time.
I think the thing I was most surprised by motherhood was how overwhelmingly, deeply I am in love with my children. And, how I am afraid to get it wrong! I want them to know how very much they mean to me, but even more importantly, what God thinks of them. I want them to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how they are wanted, treasured, and are loved. They are here for a purpose, but they don’t have to walk alone.
“Maybe that mom models brave, instead of fashion.” <-so good!
I was surprised at how strong my mom is…she had been in a country during war time, making dolls and not being paid for her time making them, traveling to a foreign land where she had nothing…and becoming the main support for her family, second of the five siblings…how she gave of herself to my three siblings and I. I don't have stories like hers, but I hope my kids see that I am also strong…we have to be to be mothers…when my child falls and cuts her head, and I hold it together to get through our time in the ER. Most of all I am surprised at how I see the world a little differently…a little more like God sees it…having the strength to love someone when they are doing something we don't love…there is grace and mercy and more grace.
I’m surprised by how much love I have for my children. I knew I would love them, but it multiplies each day. I’m also surprised by how much I truly enjoy them as people and love hanging out with them/learning more about them. They are each so unique.
I’m surprised daily about how much it hurts to have a part of my heart walking around outside of my body.
The biggest thing that has surprised me about motherhood is how exhausting it is. It leaves you stripped raw and exposed, but there is so much beauty in that. There’s no pretending to be a “good mom,” there’s no faking it. My kids see my heart and all my faults that come with it. But, that gives me the greatest opportunity to show them how great and Big our God is!
What has surprised me most about being a mom is just how incredibly humbling this experience and journey is. I feel like mothering my own three children so often is this huge mirror being held in front of my OWN FACE, forcing me to look at my OWN shortcomings, weaknesses, inadequacies, etc. I want so much more for my children. I want them to be free from all of the chains that have bound me my whole life. As I seek to raise them in the freedom of being children of God, over and over and over again they teach ME! They drive ME to my knees as I cry out to The Lord to release in me what I want to teach my children never to place upon themselves. The grace that our God offers me time and time again, the forgiveness, the unconditional love; he convicts me to offer all of that to His children that He has gifted to be raised under my care and then to offer that to MYSELF. I never knew that while raising children God would be raising me as well.
Thank you for your beautiful post and inspirational encouragement.
I have been surprised about my mother being right. In everything. And how I say the same words to my daughters that she said to me. When I didn’t believe them. Hoping that they will believe them.
I’ve been surprised by how willing my daughter is to believe and love and relate to me, even when I don’t deserve it.
I have been most surprised by how I can want to scream my head off one minute and be drawn to tears the next. My own heart is so often mirrored in theirs, and when I’m quick to ask forgiveness, so are they.
One thing that surprised me as I started parenting: my mom was human.
One thing that has surprised me is how much I can love one person so much and yet get so frustrated at her too.
It’s a little surprising that when I FINALLY get the ‘me time’ to which I’ve looked forward for so long, I miss my girls like crazy and can’t wait to get back to them! ♥
As motherhood sets in i love how my daughters motivate and inspire to grow as a woman of God. Their faith in God and me moves me to be the best version God made me to be.
Such beautiful thoughts! I’m surprised by how my eyes have been opened to the women who came before me. I guess I never thought of my mom or aunt or grandmother as anything other than the role they played for me, and the stage of life they’re currently in. Being a mom has helped me realize that we all have a story and we’re all a complex mix of all the things that have happened in our lives. I definitely am less judgmental of people as a whole, now that I’m on “the other side of the coin” as a mom, if that makes sense.
I am surprised sometimes by how fiercely protective I am and how love wells up in my heart for my three girls when I least expect it. I am surprised when I see myself in my girls (both the good and the bad! :O). I am surprised by God’s kindness to me in entrusting me with these three little lives.
Unconditional Love!!
Wow,that letter moved me! I am the mother of an almost-five year old girl and 17 month old twin girls!
I am surprised at my fear of ruining my daughters. I am so cognizant of all the negative messages out there for girls, in particular. I worry that if I say something the wrong way or in frustration that she will remember and it will somehow change the wonderfully made little girl that she is. Something I am working on. I want her to be well-behaved and also maintain her spark and quirks of her adorable personality.
My daughter is just like me. Her spirit, her passion and hercompassionate quiet nature. I am just like my mom. And sheis just like hers. It is fascinating to see. I am surprised at how much i mother like my own mkoher.
I’m surprised at how easily I fail at the small tasks of motherhood but how I stand rock strong in the hard things I feared I’d fail at.
I’ve been surprised at how hard motherhood can be at times, but also how much I love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything!
I am surprised by how my mom did it all, with much less than I have and I don’t remember her being tired or depressed or at the end of her rope. I just remember her strong!
I am surprised by how wide and how deep my love for my daughter is and then it blows my mind to think that God loves me and God love her even more.
It is amazing to see how much of what my mother taught me that I share with my daughter.
My mom has been my inspiration and is such a godly lady. I am surprised now by knowing how much she did and then knowing how hard it is to do these things myself. She is still my inspiration in so many ways!!
I am surprised by the things that cut right to my heart and the things that I thought would cut straight to my heart but don’t
I was surprised at how naturally the love for my daughter blossomed. Even now when she’s being a terrible 2 year old, all I want to do is just say you’re the best and I love you.
I’m surprised at how gladly I’ve laid aside my job to spend endless days, full of play doh and poo, on the floor gazing into their tiny sparkling eyes. It is absolutely worth it.
I’ve been surprised by how much motherhood has grown ME while I’ve been trying to grow my littles.
Having just lost my mother in February, I don’t have a short list of things that surprised me about her. But the one I will share today is this:
I was always surprised by her quiet strength. The atypical way in which she lived her life for an audience of one will forever be one of my best memories.
Megan
The deepest feelings of unconditional love, along with the roller coaster of emotions.
I am constantly surprised at how quickly I get frustrated with my children … then turn to God and realize I am doing the same thing to Him! God is using my babies to teach me more about my relationship with Him … daily. Hourly. Minute-ly.
I was surprised by how much I have been taught by my children, when I began motherhood expecting to teach them.
I have been surprised by how much my thinking of the world has changed. I feel I have changed and grown so much!
What has surprised me about motherhood … I have found a strength that I didn’t know existed. My kids are kids and they get bumps and bruises and hurt feelings. Those times to the emergency room, where they are nervous and scared and the times when friends haven’t been nice; I have found the strength to be calm, understanding, strong for them…. not my own remind you
I’ve been surprised at how much my relationship with my girls teaches me about the Father’s relationship with me…He loves me more than this?! And it’s an unending love, full of so much grace. Wonderful.
it’s often harder, lonelier, than i really thought it would be…and there are no “formulas” or guarantees, but I cling to the hope He gives, His mercies are new every morning
One thing that has surprised me about my Mom is no matter how many times in the past we have had disagreements and been apart for a while, her motherly love always reaches out to mend that which was broken. I am thankful for her displaying the Love of God in that way.
[...] you to Lisa-Jo Baker, author of Surprised by Motherhood, for her wonderful words on Wednesday and for her beautiful encouragement to both moms and daughters. She reminded us that we are on an [...]