“If you ever start working, we can update your information?”
Ever start working? I (Ruth) could barely believe my ears, let alone hold my tongue! I had stopped by the bank to make a deposit and update our personal information. Things were going great until the teller asked me for my place of employment. I always struggle when asked that question.
I run and oversee my own large ministry website.
I am a blogger.
I am a speaker.
I write books.
But … I am also a mom.
So sometimes I say I own my own business, sometimes I say I’m a stay-at-home mom, and other times I call myself a “homemaker.” This particular time I said “homemaker.” This really threw the young twenty-something teller for a loop!
“Is that all you do?” she asked, a bit confused. And then to clarify, she continued, “Okay, so you are just a stay-at-home mom?”
Trying to avoid an unnecessary war of words and so caught off guard I didn’t know what else to say, I responded with a simple, “Yes, I am a mom.”
Now I don’t think she meant any ill will toward me in particular, or motherhood in general. I really think she was just clearly stating what most of culture views a mom to be. “Less than” or “just” something that fell short of a different life call.
One of the struggles many women face when they have children is the feeling of “missing out” on other things. Maybe it is delaying a career choice, educational pursuit, or personal aspiration. Maybe, put another way, a myth that many moms fall into believing is that being a mom is somehow “less than” other pursuits. This can easily leave us moms feeling discouraged, frustrated, or even resentful if we aren’t careful to keep our emotions in check.
God has set apart the home as his. Home is a place where his presence is to be felt and his purposes are to be pursued. He places parents in those homes as watchmen, pastors, priests, shepherds, teachers, and warriors who have been called and commissioned to pass on their faith to their children for the sake of the world. Motherhood is not an easy mission. But it is God’s.
Your identity doesn’t begin with being a mom. As much as God loves and delights in the calling of motherhood, your role as mom is not your core identity. It is certainly part of who you are and what you do, but it is not your primary identity.
The Bible makes it clear that we are “in Christ” before we are “in motherhood.” First and foremost, we are daughters of God our Father. The apostle John celebrates this fact: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1).
So our primary identity is as a child of God, not a mom.
Friends, we have the best “job” in the world, and we must not underestimate the calling on our lives just because what we do often goes unnoticed. Friends, family members and bank tellers will never see what we do as “just moms.” Only God sees. We are not “just moms” as we are not “just children of God.”
We are valued. He watches everything we do. We are not missing out. We are blessed abundantly in Christ.
If we ever do start a different job, they can update our information to say not “just” anything- we are Daughters of the King!
Believing we are “just a mom” is only one of the many myths that we believe in motherhood.
My good friend Karen Ehman and I are absolutely thrilled to share a resource that we believe is a game-changer for moms: Hoodwinked: Ten Myths Moms Believe & Why We All Need to Knock It Off!
We have had ENOUGH of the misconceptions of motherhood!!!
Myths such as: “The way I mother is the right (and only) way,” “Motherhood is natural, easy, and instinctive,” or “My child’s bad choice means I’m a bad mom.” These myths leave moms hoodwinked and sometimes even heartbroken.
In our straightforward yet encouraging “we’ve been there” style, we enable mothers to
-identify the ten myths of motherhood
-replace the lies with the truth of what God says
-forge healthy, supportive relationships with other moms of all ages and stages
-confidently embrace the calling of motherhood as they care for their families in their own unique way
Ultimately, Hoodwinked equips mothers to stop searching for the secret and develop and embrace their relationships instead- with their kids, other mothers, and most importantly, with God.
You can grab your copy of Hoodwinked today HERE:
Barnes & Noble
ChristianBook.com
Today I am giving away a copy of this wonderful book. Just leave a comment below with a myth of motherhood you easily fall into. Winner will be chosen at random and contacted by email.
About the authors:
Karen Ehman is a New York Times bestselling author and speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She has written eight books including Keep It Shut and LET. IT. GO. Married to her college sweetheart, Todd, and mom of three, she enjoys cheering for the Detroit Tigets and feeding the many teens who gather around her kitchen island for a taste of Mama Karen’s cooking.
Ruth Schwenk is the creator of TheBetterMom.com, and along with her husband, Patrick, FortheFamily.org. She is a pastor’s wife with four energetic kids, a lover of coffee, and dreamer of big dreams. A graduate of the Moody Bible Institute, Ruth and her husband have been in full- time ministry for over fifteen years.
17 Comments
I love CCB’s books! A myth that I carry around is that I need to have everything ‘done’ all at once and keep it that way. My house is lived in - it’s not perfect and we have 3 kids - so our things are not all that nice, because we have 3 kids!
So thankful someone is finally publicly busting these myths!
One myth I believed is there was one correct way to parent children. I spent far too long chasing everyone’s methods and finally came to a point that I started seeking God not other moms.
One trap I’ve fallen into is, “I’ve got great kids so I must be a great mom!”
Hello?!?! I don’t deserve any of these amazing blessings. I just have an amazing God!
sylviarbaker @ gmail.com
I easily fall into the myth that I can fix it, when all I need to do is pray, and continue to model and teach skills, but I”m not in control, and I want to be!
I find myself believing the myth that if my kids misbehave then I have failed them. Not true, children make mistakes and I only fail them if I don’t help them to learn from those mistakes.
I often believe the myth that haven’t done enough to lead my children in a godly fashion. Instead, I refocus my efforts to modeling well and praying consistently.
One trap I have to work so hard to stay out of is the one where I base my worth on how my children act/talk/appear to others. WAY too much pressure on them and completely wrong of me, but so hard to not do.
What a great post! The myth that sunk me when my first daughter was born was that motherhood would come naturally to me. The reality at the time was, I felt incapable in my new role and somewhat resentful of this tiny person who brought the rest of my life to a screeching halt. I’m in a much better place 7 years later, but I tell all the new moms I meet that it is OK to grieve the life you had and it is totally NORMAL to feel that way! I wish at the time someone had told me I wasn’t a terrible mother for feeling those feelings.
One myth I struggle with is that I have to do it all perfectly-as if I have to prove my value and worth as a stay at home mom. This book looks like a wonderful life giving resource!
Before I was a mom, I was the VP of a large not-for -profit. Much of my identity was in my work, once I became a mom, I have chosen to stay at home, caring for our family, home, etc. I often feel like people around me think I gave it all up, like what i do now if less important and some days I buy into it.
One myth that I struggle with his presenting my perfect self to other moms. I find that when I am honest about my shortcomings and struggles the support I need just falls into place.
I like that just because my kids make a bad choice, doesn’t mean I am a bad Mom. Society has put this label on us moms have to take the blame. At my kids’ school, if they are not dressed according to the season, they assume the child’s parent is a failure. I don’t think I should be judged because my son wants to wear shorts when it is 50 degrees outside. I mean he does own shorts, he just chooses not to wear them. Can’t wait to get my hands on this book and read it.
It is easy to compare yourself (with either undue pride or jealously )…your house…your children to other families. I try to remember that what I see outwardly may not truly reflect what is inside or what is behind closed doors. MY best is the best for MY family.
Mommy guilt over my own mistakes is what gets me. I raise my voice or lash out, maybe the discipline doesn’t fit the crime, but even after I apologize to my daughter, the guilt and lies of the devil are still lingering around. I know though, bad days don’t make bad Mamas! ♡
My myth is that I lost my potential to do something meaningful when I stopped pursuing civil engineering and law to stay home with our soon to be four children… (fourth child on the way!)
Thank you for this!
My husband and I recently started reading From Dream to Destiny by Robert Morris and I feel like God is calling me to reevaluate how I see myself and where I am finding my identity. It’s fun how He can so subtly speak to you from many angles to make sure you hear!
I continue to struggle with the myth that I can accomplish things, maybe even just one thing, along side parenting and raising young souls. The sooner I let that sink it, that happier I will be
I have believed and still often believe that my children are the fruit of my obedience. My children have their own fruit and I have my own fruit!