She looked across the living room at me with those eyes that said, “Is it my turn now?” and all I could think of was how she’s matured faster than I anticipated. This very daughter of mine who usually can’t get through the door before she’s telling us about her day, chose to wait for the right time to share what was on her heart.

She waited for her little brother and sister to enjoy the souvenirs I brought home.

She waited while her middle sister, the cuddly one and not the talker, to get her fix in the crook of my arm.

She waited, with grace and poise, unlike me at her age. I can remember my mom hollering at me to let my own dad get through the door before I pounded him with questions and pleas.

She waited until she might burst.

“Mom, can we please go upstairs and talk.”

Her words raced out of her mouth before we collapsed on the bed together, recalling play-by-play from the weekend. She was unloading not only the details of her doings but the emotions stored up in her heart.

Not knowing how to process through it all by herself, she was inviting me in and asking me to carry the burdens that weighed heavy on her soul — burdens that come from choosing to rebel against teenage rebellion while doing her best to be friends with those who don’t share her values.

But by the grace of God, this girl of mine is motivated to walk that the narrow path because she’s heard my stories. I’ve been honest with her about the mistakes I made when I was a teen and 20-something. Oh, she doesn’t know all the details, but enough to know that it’s not worth enduring a personal experience for herself. And she knows she can talk to me about everything her friends are doing, because she knows I’ll not be shocked about the realities of life for a teen in this world.

Yes, mama-friends, these conversations are hard. They drum up fear and insecurity in my soul. They cause me to want to run off to a deserted island with my family and shield them from the evils of this world. But while I’m dreaming up an escape, God always seems to get my attention with a challenge:

So, how can you share the Gospel on that peaceful little island all by yourself with your treasured family?

Um. Lord. I can’t.

Right, so that’s why I’ve put you where you are, so that you can share the hope of Christ and the promise of eternity in the middle of the mess you live in.

Okay, Lord. Then give me wisdom to know what to say and do and when to say and do it.

God is always faithful — He has given me the words to share with my children about the world they live in, and continually reminds to make time for those conversation to happen naturally and purposefully.

So let me ask: Are you making time to have the important conversations with your daughter too?

When my girl was only 8 we talked about sex. She asked about it after reading about Lot and his daughters. Awkward, yes. But life-shaping, too. I can’t even remember how I fumbled through it, but I impressed on her that God designed for a man and women to have sex as a married couple and any other context was out of His will.

When she was in sixth grade, I went through the play-by-play with her. I told her how the body parts fit together and gave her the slang terms she’ll hear from her peers. Yes, all of slang words that you and I might consider as inappropriate language. I explained “the bases” now called “hooking up” and “friends with benefits,” and emphasized the implications of getting pregnant and STDs. Yes, she was only 11. Yes, it was uncomfortable and embarrassing. But I wanted her to know everything so she’d not be duped into something by her peers.

Now she’s 14 and the slang terms slip off her lips with ease when she’s talking to me about her friends. Do I like hearing those words come from her mouth? NO! But am I glad she’s comfortable talking with me while her friends are doing things they wouldn’t ever talk to their moms about? Yes.

So will you make the time for your irreplaceable role?

As I listened to my daughter unload her heavy heart, God convicted me that my role as mom is irreplaceable. He reminded me that I need to be emotionally and physically present so that I can really hear her and encourage her to live out this faith she’s trying to make her own.

Daughters need their mamas to listen to their hearts and show them how to lay their burdens down. {click to tweet}

Your daughter needs you now, not later.

Will you make time to start the tough conversations now?

Will you slow down to carve out room in your schedule to have connecting time with your older daughters?

Will you be transparent about your own mistakes, so they won’t be afraid to come to you with the unspeakable things?

Will you stand in the gap with them, as they grieve over the choices their friends are making, and show them how to lay it down at Jesus’ feet?

While opportunities are knocking at our door, the ones inside can’t be met by anyone else. {click to tweet}

Mama, let me challenge you to get over how you feel for the sake of becoming the one your girl will turn to — because only then will you be able to cheer her on as she chooses to rebel against teenage rebellion and show her what to do if she is weighed down by the burdens of this world. She needs you to walk this road with her . . . together . . . now.

If you need help starting the conversation with your daughter,
head over to moretobe.com for two brand new resources,
Shine Bright and Journey to Freedom: A Bible Study on Identity.