IT didn’t take very long for me to realize I had only so much knowledge in how to raise a daughter. I think it might have been about eight hours after I brought my oldest daughter home from the hospital when I hit my first what do I now moment. Since that day I have been reminded over and over again of my own limitations. God has called me to mother these four girls to the best of my ability, but truthfully I will not have all the answers. I’ve learned over the past fifteen years it is OK for me to have gaps. I can trust God to fill them in and also point me to others who can come along side me as a mom and become a key woman of influence for my daughters.
I have learned it is OK for me to have gaps as a mom.
This has never been more important than in the pre-teen and teen years with my girls. I think when our girls are little we are pretty comfortable asking others questions like “How do I get her to sleep through the night?” or “What preschool should I send her to?” But, for some reason as our girls get older we worry that others might think poorly of us because we don’t know what to do. Or, maybe our girls might think we are not good moms because they have questions we don’t have answers too.
I want to tell you it is OK to not have all the answers. We can let other key women speak into their lives, and they will be better girls and someday women because of it. Here are three simple ways you can do that as a mom for your daughter:
- Ask women you know or your daughter knows to write her letters of encouragement: We do this up big when my girls turn 10 years old. We call it “Project 10″ because we believe double digits are pretty special at our house. At 10 she is still very much a girl, but she is growing into the middle years. She is open and ready to be loved on with some amazing words from other women. I ask 30 women to write my girls letters as a gift for their 10th birthday and wrap them up all pretty for them. The idea is for the first 30 days of 10, she reads one letter a day. But, I’ll be honest, one of my girls sat down and read all 30 in one sitting. With tears in her eyes she said, “Oh Mom! I never knew I was so special!” It doesn’t have to be 30 women, it can be 2 or 10 or 7. Just ask a few women who you trust to speak truth over her life.
- Pick a mentor for you daughter: When my oldest was 13 I told her I wanted her to meet with some women she admired who could help her grow as a godly young woman. She gave me some names and I contacted these women and set up lunch dates with my daughter. They met with her, prayed for her, gave her their favorite books and basically helped her navigate some of the tougher years. I am forever grateful for their love and wisdom. Specifically, I asked them to tell her something they wished they had known when they were her age. I’ll tell you, it was priceless. I am going to continue to do this throughout her high school years.
- Give her resources. Honestly, sometimes I have no idea how to answer questions she has. Sometimes it takes a good book and us engaging in purposeful conversation. I so appreciate when an author goes deep in one area, and I just have to add my two cents to the topic. There are so many great books today for girls. We have a few listed on our resource page and many more we will share in the coming weeks. Consider giving your daughter a meaningful Christmas gift which will help her become more like Christ. This is especially important if you don’t have any options for mentors for your daughter. Books can act as mentors too. And sometimes, they are dog-eared, worn out, and coffee stained sitting by our bedside. They can be with your daughter anytime and have great value in her life.
Something else happened when I asked key women to invest in my girls. They all thanked me for the opportunity. They were honored. So it truly is a win-win chance for everyone involved.
Question: So, tell me, how have you let key women speak into your girl’s life? Or, how does this inspire you in the days ahead? I’d love to hear in the comments!