Since the topic of beauty and identity forever relevant amongst mothers and daughters, we’re sharing again a series previously published on the MODsquad blog two years ago. May this content bless you and equip you in the conversation we all need to keep afresh in our hearts.

Beauty. It is a topic we need to talk about honestly and transparently, especially as moms. Whether we care to admit it, the pressure to feel beautiful is impacting our lives and influencing our daughters’ identity. Our priorities and parenting focus is skewed as we respond to the pressures to be beautiful and produce beautiful children.

It is time for the Truth to prevail over the pounding messages conveyed by the culture. Every day, we are are exposed to overt and subliminal messages from the media about beauty, worth, and identity, influencing how we think about ourselves and how we raise our daughters. Combined with thoughtless comments from others, especially peers and often times family members (yes, that means you and me, mom), teachers, church leaders, and even strangers, the definition of beauty portrayed in our world is warped. We might even be perpetuating the messages we find most offensive.

Does this outfit make me look cute?

Need to slim down without a diet? Get yourself some Spanx, girlfriend!

Oh, mom, please let me wear makeup, everyone else is doing it!

I really think I’m going to see about getting “this” [surgically] fixed.

Wow, are you tired or something? You might want to use some concealer on those dark circles.

You’re not going out in that, are you?

Does this sound familiar to you? Have you caught yourself asking these questions or making these statements? Moreover, are you aware of how these comments and questions reflect a deeper issue of the heart? Is beauty and appearance your hallmark of acceptance and worth?

It is time for us to join together to redefine beauty according to the Word and God’s heart instead of the world and external appearances.

According to Dove® research, “Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful, and only 11% are comfortable using the word beautiful to describe themselves.” What percentage do you fall in? How about your daughter? More importantly, what is the standard of beauty? And is it reasonable to strive to meet that standard?

After nearly twenty years of mentoring teenage girls combined with raising my young daughters, I’ve come to see that the quest to define beauty begins early on.
The truth of the matter is that this generation of young and old women alike are grappling with the issue of beauty because it is about more than appearance. It is the cry of the female heart longing to feel significant and loved.

The question, “Am I beautiful?” masks the underlying longing to know, “Am I worthy? Lovely? Good enough?”

We need to seek the heart of God for these answers, and we need the body of Christ to confirm His message that our worth is found in the cross of Christ. Unfortunately, our own insecurities about beauty wreck us and send us on wild hunt for answers in places other than the truth. Instead of seeking God and His Word to define our value, we ingest in the influences of the culture and comments of others without a filter.

We pursue becoming like those we think are beautiful instead of seeking to become more like the One who makes all things beautiful.

As the media-driven cultured pounds our lives with skewed stories of beauty, we buy right into their materialism propaganda. Our daughters are doing the same thing. What we see in the mirror doesn’t measure up to a human-made cover girl photograph, and therefore we devalue our own sense of worth. The Enemy uses this simple little path of deception to rip apart God’s purposes for a our lives, stifling our influence as he strips away our value. The Father of Lies steals, kills, and destroys us with doubt and condemnation about our identity (John 10:10, Ephesians 2:10), all because we don’t know how to see our true beauty.

I would like to suggest that true beauty is defined by how one lives in their God-given skin. {click to tweet}

It is who you are, both on the inside and out, that reflects God’s beautiful masterpiece. Nothing God makes is one-dimensional. Neither are we. By only looking at the outward appearance, we qualify beauty in a way that is not inconsistent with God’s character and is contrary to His word.

1 Samuel 16:7
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. 
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

God’s design is not limited by shape, size, or color. Look at the trees on an autumn day, a blanket of orange, red, brown, green, and yellow with crinkly leaves the shapes of hearts and diamonds. Together they paint a beautiful picture and yet they can stand alone in vivid awe. Should He create humankind any differently? We are fearfully and wonderfully made, inside and out. Yes, this means we should embrace external female beauty! Skin, hair, eyes, facial features, and body shape create a beautiful mosaic reflecting God’s creation. What God makes He declares good. Yet that does not mean we will all see it the same way. What we perceive as true beauty is as unique as our own beauty. And what we find attractive will be a reflection of our God-given personality and tastes. We need to leave room for God’s creativity manifested in human form, while putting an emphasis on living a beautiful life as an offering unto Him.
We need to teach our daughters that our beauty is defined by how we live in the knowledge of Whose we are and not by how we look.

Moms, we have the opportunity to impact the next generation of women — our daughters — as we live out what we believe about ourselves, true beauty, and our Maker-God.

Do we really believe a woman’s beauty radiates from within as she yields her heart and life to the Lord (Proverbs 31)?

Can we agree that beauty is more about putting on the Designer’s clothing (Colossians 3:12) than the next great outfit?

Will we embrace the truth that beauty about using our God-given gifts, talents, and passions for His glory (1 Corinthians 10:31, 12:12-30)?

Will you take the first step in redefining beauty for yourself and your daughters by personalizing these Biblical truths and impressing them into your daughter’s heart and mind?

Together, let’s embark on a movement to unmask from this world’s definition of beauty and redefine it through the eye of our Beholder.
Reflection Questions:

1. Do you struggle with this issue of beauty? Why or why not?
2. What is your definition of beauty — both the one you live by and the one you wish you believed?
3. How are you impacting your daughter’s definition of beauty by what you say and don’t say, do and don’t do?
4. What would it look like to live out Proverbs 31, Colossians 3:12, and 1 Corinthians 10:31, 12:12-30?
5. Take time today to pray and journal about your issues with beauty. Specifically, ask the Lord to show you how He would like you to impact your daughter in this area of life, and what you might need to do to help her redefine her concept beauty.

This is part one of a three part series focusing on how we can redefine beauty so that we may raise up daughters with a new identity that breathes life into their souls. Be sure to subscribe to Mothersofdaughters.com so that you don’t miss future posts in the Redefining Beauty series. Also, feel free to make the most of the Redefining Beauty resources at More to Be.