If you’re joining in this series for the first time, feel free to read part 1 here and part 2 here.

The splash of cold water surprised me as I was lost in the suds of my thinking.

“God, how can I get through to these girls I mentor and my own daughters about the truth of their worth in Christ and their incredible beauty when I don’t even get it myself? Lord, teach me. Help me to understand.”

Still muttering to the Lord, I grabbed the towel to dry my face, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. For the first time, I didn’t see what others have said. I didn’t see my father’s face. I didn’t notice the size of my nose or my imperfect complexion. Instead, a chocolate brown eyed woman settled into her own skin stared me down. There I was, stunning as ever, soap suds caught in my widow’s peak with wet bangs pushed awry.

It was me.

Finally me.

A woman learning to let God enter every corner of her life.

A woman in pursuit of eternal worth.

A woman becoming brighter, more beautiful, more like Him (2 Corinthians 3:16-18 MSG).

Over thirty years ago I discovered my first imperfections. With a poke in the gut by my overly-weight conscious uncle, I labeled myself as fat. An inquisitive peer asking about the white spots on my teeth (ah-hem, calcium deposits totally out of my control) sowed in vow to not smile when people were looking at me. Later the size the of the pores on my face (quite normal for an Italian-Jewish girl) came under peer scrutiny, which drove me to never leave the house without a layer of foundation. As though the bondage of those lies were not enough, I was then betrayed by a elementary school boyfriend publicly teasing me about the size of my nose. I spent the next ten years hanging my head low, enabling my long locks to drape across my face. I wanted to be anyone but me.

I know I am not alone in my struggle to emerge out from the sometimes innocent yet nonetheless hurtful comments of others — adults and peers alike. For decades, I kept my secrets hidden and made my hiding part of my routine. But raising daughters and mentoring teens forces issues out into the light. Hypocrisy does that as well. How could I tell girls — mine and others — that they are beautiful even when that is not what I believed about myself. I wrestled with God time and time again, until He finally gave me new eyes to see myself.

Ephesians 1:18
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that
you may know the hope to which he has called you…”

Instead of changing what I hated on the outside, God slowly and carefully changed what I saw in the mirror through speak Truth to my heart through the Word. Years of seeking Him in the Scriptures and prayer, wrestling through my beliefs, discovering my gifts and talents, reconciling my sin and weakness, moved me from a life of disappointment and self-condemnation and into a place of acceptance where I could see more than just my skin.

God brought me to a place of wholeness, enabling me to dwell in the skin I’m in, knowing that I am truly a mess rendered beautiful by God’s grace, and perfectly designed to be used for His glory. The emphasis on how I looked has been replaced with a focus on how I live.

***

Coming to terms with my life-long, warped and deformed defining of beauty was really the first step in redefining it for my daughters and the girls I mentor.

For years, much of my attention toward their appearance was prompted by fear of them getting hurt. I wanted to protect my girls from the comments I endured, which led me to being overly focused on paying compliments to affirm their beauty instead of noticing the more significant details of their lives.

I know I am not alone in committing this mistake. I know other wounded moms striving to protect their daughters from pain they endured. But, friends, we can’t protect our daughters from pain. As God has slowly and carefully revealed to me, our call as moms is to receive them with His love and to extend to them His grace.

Moms, we’re not warriors set out to slay the wicked dragons from our daughter’s life. Yes, we’d like to see ourselves that way, and we ought to do our best to provide safe-havens for them in what we allow into our homes. However, we can not guard them from the influences of others comments and the impact of the culture forever. We can, however, be a source of love, wisdom, training, and guidance.

The best thing we can do for our daughters is impact them with the Truth by immersing them in the Word and demonstrate for them a life of faith lived in the counsel of the Holy Spirit. Our biggest investment of time should be washing them with Scripture day and night, speaking His love and grace into their lives, revealing to them how to respond to the Spirits prompting, all the while keeping healthy boundaries on temptations and cultivating consistent character-focused living.

We need to teach our daughters that beauty is defined by Whose they are and how they live in their God-given skin. {click to tweet}

beauty is about
authenticity not applause
character not cosmetics
thoughtfulness not thinness
modesty not modeling
purity not perfection
kindness not keeping up
reality not running away
wisdom not wildness
servanthood not sexiness
influence not imitation
unmasking not masking
being you not being theirs

So, moms, are we impacting our daughters with these truth? Are we modeling this facts in our actions? Are we challenging them to live beautiful lives through evaluating their emotional, physical, and spiritual reflection?

We cannot make it our mission to raise beautiful daughters confident in their appearance, even though there is a place in God’s creation to appreciate and cultivate beauty. Their external beauty can change in a moment and the things of this world that enable them to make themselves feel beautiful may one day be inaccessible. Instead, our purpose is to impact our girls with the reality of their holy status as a daughter of the Most High King. In the core of their being, they need to know who they are in Christ.

Moms, are you willing to join the movement of redefining beauty with your daughters today?
May I challenge you to make the most of the Redefining Beauty resources by going through them with your daughters and even their friends. There is no time like the present to step into significant mentoring roles with the next generation. They don’t need perfect Christian women. They simply need you, with a willing and humble heart, committed to sharing relevant truth as you depend on Christ to accomplish His work in you, through you, and for them.

Thank you for joining us in this series on Redefining Beauty series. To embrace the idea of Redefining Beauty and to share it with the next generation, make the most of the resources available at More to Be, including ideas for hosting an event or leading a short Bible Study.